My Name Is Bill

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by Josh McDaniel
on Monday, February 01, 2010

Initiating morning protocol. Running system diagnostic. Energy cells at maximum capacity. Speech functions all nominal. Skill processes showing clear connections between thought and action. Assessment of appearance in ninety-nine percent accordance with office dress code. Note: fabric of left cuff has a minor number of small threads protruding from button hole. Solution: After work hours consult tailor for repairs. Second note: The standard blue of my molecule bonded suit is beginning to fade slightly. At the current frequency of light exposure in another four hundred and seventy-two days it will be necessary to request a new one. Solution: Keep task stored in memory and set reminder to occur in four hundred and sixty-five days. Third note: Must remember not to stare at Ms. Wells while she is eating her lunch. I do not wish to be yelled at again. As much as I find the human act of consumption fascinating I do not enjoy being called a, accessing audio file Wellsyell12: "Creepy white haired weirdo!" Solution: Glance quickly and go about my business. A sufficient amount of data can be collected over time.

Beginning daily journal log, designation Bionic Intelligence Laborer Mark 1 Unit number Seventy-Four. Entry #1 Monday May 16th, 2146 7:38 am: Resuming current directive to perform the duties of an office assistant at the Public Defense Office of the City of Reading. Here there are humans called lawyers who protect other, less fit humans from their own government. I do not understand this, as the function of government as I was taught, is to protect all of its citizens from harm. A government that harms its people therefore should not logically be given called a government. On the other hand, there may be something that I do not understand, as is usually the case. I am sure I will eventually learn what this reason is and why it is so. Perhaps it is the word that I do not fully understand? My supervisor, Mr. Fenton tried to explain the discrepancy to me last week.

Accessing audio file MrFentonexplains2834: "I can see how you'd be confused B.I.L. seventy-four. A government is supposed to protect its citizens, but the problem lies in the fact that governments are run people and as I'm sure you've noticed while working here, not all people have good intentions.

Entry #2 Monday May 16th, 2146 8:32 am: When I was created I was told that humans go through stages of learning and development that is marked by years. Using this system of years, I am considered a child, as I have existed for five years now. However, unlike a human child I am able to perform many duties reserved for adults. Because I am able to do these important adult tasks, I feel it is incorrect and unfair for Mr. Sanders, the senior clerk, to refer to me as "kid" and "little boy" when we are organizing files in the data system. I know just as much about the data system and procedure as he does. Perhaps even more, but I can't be sure unless he lets me read his hard drive. Solution: I need to ask him to stop as the distraction has caused a two percent drop in my performance. Note: Today, Mr. Fenton is bringing in a new employee to help with the enormous load of paperwork our office receives each day. I have been instructed to assist in the process of teaching this new employee how to perform his job. Idea: This could be a chance to prove my capabilities despite my age. Sanders will have no choice but to talk about something else. I will perform at my optimum capacity.

Entry #3 Monday May 16th, 2146 9:01 am: Mr. Fenton has arrived with the new employee. He is a man of average height, one point seven seven meters. I estimate his weight to be around eighty-one point six five kilograms. He has brown hair, short, and a small beard, or goatee, as Leonard the janitor has explained to me in the past. His attire is that of the rest of us in the office. A blue molecule bounded suit jacket and pants with black shoes. Note: The design of the jackets of our suits stay closed due to a string of molecular bounds that hold the two pieces of fabric together. How does one go about creating such a mechanism? What sort of tools would one need to create such an affect? Alert: I am wandering in my thoughts. I cannot allow myself to forget my duties.

Initiating continuous recording for entry #3. Marked priority: Teaching. Mr. Fenton introduces the man to me. "B.I.L. seventy-four, this is Argyle Lent. He'll be working with us for while and I want you get him acquainted with the way things work around here. Show him the ropes, as the old saying goes."

Note: "Show him the ropes." An old saying. Meaning: To familiarize a person with something. I shake hands with him. "Hello Mr. Lent, it is a pleasure to meet you. I will ensure that you are taught the process and procedure of work in this office." Note: A considerable amount of moisture is coming from Mr. Lent's hand. Sweat. Assessment: His temperature is either too high or he is uncomfortable in his surroundings. Searching for context. Mr. Lent is adjusting his collar repeatedly and his brow also shows signs of sweat. Final assessment: Mr. Lent is too hot. "If the temperature in the room is too high, Mr. Lent, might I suggest a glass of water or undoing the molecular bond three centimeters down from your collar?"

He looks at me and raises his left eyebrow a centimeter higher than his right. I've seen this gesture on other humans before. He is confused.

Mr. Fenton addresses me. "Mr. Lent is just getting used to his new suit and surroundings. It's common for people to be a little nervous on their first day of a new job."

New context: Unease at prospect of new surroundings and responsibilities. "I see Mr. Fenton. Shall I begin teaching Mr. Lent our filing system?"

Mr. Lent turns to Mr. Fenton. "What's up with him? Is he alright?" Mr. Lent points at his head and then pokes it a few times. Perhaps he is still nervous?

Mr. Fenton answers. "He's an android, Argyle."

Mr. Lent's eyes widen and his mouth malfunctions, failing to emit sound for four seconds. "He's a real walking talking robot?" Lent says. "Why does he look so human?"

Mr. Fenton corrects him. "Not a robot an android. Androids are artificially intelligent beings that can grow, learn, and look much like humans. B.I.L. seventy-four is only five years old, so a lot of things are still new to him including many of your mannerisms. Not to worry though; he's a good worker and a good guy too. You're in very capable hands and once you two get used to each other, you'll almost forget his blood is synthetic."

I can now see that Mr. Lent is not used to androids. I wonder if he comes from a place where there are none. In that case I am his only example. I must be sure to be a good one. "Come, follow me to the data network."

Entry #4 Monday May 16th, 2146 11:17am: Mr. Lent is taking to the data network smoothly. It took him a little bit to get used to using the holoscreen, but once he did he began to excel. He has told me that he used to work in a record keeping office. That would explain his aptitude for organization. His attentiveness is actually quite intriguing for a human. His focus is intense and yet he shows very little signs of stress as opposed to a few hours ago. Inference: He looks at home in his task.

Initiating continuous recording for entry #4. My new co-worker has become comfortable enough to engage me in conversation. "Sorry if I come off awkward," he says. "In my time, I mean where I'm from, androids are almost like a fantasy. Especially six foot tall white haired ones that look like grown men despite being the same age as a kindergardener.

Note: kindergardener, antiquated term for a child at the beginning of education. Searching for context. He appears jovial in his reference to my age. No indication of hostility. Discomfort unnecessary.

I am comfortable with conversation as well and say, "I take no offense at your behavior Mr. Lent. I do find it interesting that your place of origin has no others of my kind. I was under the impression that most places had android populations. However, I have found a flaw in my own statement. Most does not mean all, so it is logical that a percentage of places would not have androids."

Mr. Lent laughs. "I guess that makes sense, Bill."

For the moment it appears necessary to temporarily halt my work. "Mr. Lent," I say facing him, "why do you to address me as 'Bill' even though my name is B.I.L. seventy-four?"

Mr. Lent looks at me with a small smile on his face. "It's just a nickname. When people want to get used to one another, they end up using informal versions of names instead of formal ones. Your full name is a bit stuffy, so I figured I'd just call you Bill and since we'll be working with one another, it makes sense to be on more personal terms.

An interesting concept. Humans bond through the use of names. Shortening a long or otherwise 'stuffy' name can create a sense of comradery. "So," I say, "would I be correct in assuming that calling you by your last name is also considered 'too stuffy'? If so, what should I call you?"

My co-worker smiles. "How about Argyle? It is my name after all."

Interesting. Using the first name in a work setting with those you are used to working with. I shall remember this for further use in the future.

He goes back to filing on the network and speaks to me. "With all these questions, "he says, "you remind me of someone I know."

I continue my work. "If you do not mind my asking Mr. Lent, I mean Argyle, who is this person?" I have never been compared to another human before.

Argyle continues navigating the holoscreen as I have shown him. "Just a girl I know. She's always asking questions about history and stuff like that. Actually I have to admit I prefer your questions better." His fingers continue working on the screen. "You're polite about it and you give me a chance to answer before hitting me with another one."

Note: Argyle's friend appears to cause agitation with her questioning. I will be sure to limit the frequency of my inquiries despite any curiosity I encounter in the future.

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About the Author - Josh McDaniel

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