Making Friends in Retirement - Some Advice from an Ancient Greek, by Ron Manheimer

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by North Carolina Center For Creative Retirement
on Monday, May 25, 2009

If you're relocating to a new community where you know few to none, or if you are leaving a career that has served as your main source of relationships, you may find an ancient Greek philosopher's insights about friendship a helpful guide.

According to Aristotle, who saw a threefold nature in all things, friendships can be based on utility (useful exchanges), pleasure (enjoying another's company), or mutual growth by providing "goods to each other for each other's own sake." There's nothing wrong with friendships of utility or pleasure and we all have them. But Aristotle believed that deeper, more satisfying friendships are those that promote self-development in the search for wisdom and meaning, and that contribute to social enhancement.

One way to pursue meaningful new friendship is to identify enduring qualities, interests, and ideals and let these guide you to others who would share those characteristics. People make new friends, or widen their circle of friends, through joining affinity groups based on spiritual convictions, ethnic and cultural heritage, or societal improvements, among others. The pursuit of learning is another important avenue.

Bob, a prominent, recently retired physician, met Jimmy, a retired railroad conductor, at a library program exploring the impact of railroads in Western North Carolina. They'd lived in the same town for decades and had never crossed paths until that discussion group brought them together around a common historical interest. Despite differences of background, their friendship flourished.

A leadership program for seniors in a local county brought together the "come-heres" and the "been-heres," groups that often seemed at odds with each other. But when they found issues that united them, such as building a neighborhood playground or doing a stream clean up, new friendships were forged.

At the NC Center for Creative Retirement, we frequently hear about newcomers, and also longtime residents who have recently retired, who have experienced new friendships based on the shared interests reflected in courses they are taking. Through class discussions on topics ranging from conflict in the Middle East to recent discoveries in the neurosciences, these students learn about each other's backgrounds, passions, and ideals. Having the opportunity to share your knowledge by teaching a course or leading a study group also provides way to connect with others.

So if you're looking to make new friends or expand the circle of existing friendships, look to NCCCR and other lifelong learning programs for a great way to ensure your own and the flourishing of others. After all, your friend Aristotle would approve.

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